Resisting the stress of the holiday season

A few weeks ago at my local Safeway store, as I made my way to the checkout line, I walked by shelves full of discounted Halloween goods sitting next to Thanksgiving offerings and a few steps further down, all the Christmas merchandize you could ever want. It was a little disorienting to see this mix of holiday goods crammed into the shelves next to each other. After all, it was barely November. Time must have shifted and gotten truncated was all I could think, as the familiar feeling of holiday stress started creeping in. The impulse to buy a few items ‘just in case’ was strong and I suppose that’s exactly what the merchants wanted.

While I resisted the temptation then and there, I couldn’t help but come home feeling like I was somehow already behind on holiday shopping and strangely over budget at the same time. However, something else stuck with me too, and this was perhaps not what Safeway had intended: I did not want to go back for turkey motif napkins or a Santa centerpiece! No, I was hit with the feeling that I really shouldn’t let myself get overwhelmed and stressed out by seasonal displays at my local grocery store. I felt that rather than have a knee-jerk reaction and buy a little of this and some of that, maybe it was time to make a plan – for the holidays for sure, but more importantly for the year ahead.

We are easy prey during the holiday season for stress in general and financial stress in particular. There are gifts to buy, cards to send, parties to go to, and family to visit and/or entertain and there are extra expenses all along the way. It’s no wonder we get worn out this time of year and that our personal finances take a hit.

While I could figure out how to deal with my general holiday anxieties, I wasn’t quite sure how to minimize my financial stress, so I did what I often do these days when uncertainty strikes: I Google! As you can imagine, there are plenty of sites, articles and publications that deal with finances of all kinds. And there was no shortage of good ideas and useful tips (see below for links to some of the articles I found inspiring). I should say here that if you are looking for a more tailored and specific plan, consulting a professional is most likely your best course of action. As for me, I just wanted some tips for how to deal in the moment, a bit of self-soothing if you will.

So, my general holiday worries were handled pretty easily with a couple of lists of gifts to buy and ship (now that can burn a hole in your pocket pretty quickly), cards to write, groceries to stock up on and people to contact. One idea about managing financial stress that I read about and that spoke to me had to do with creating an overarching strategy based on habits, priorities and goals and so while writing my holiday lists I decided to make a ‘financial overview’ as well, just to get started. I wrote down my responsibilities, goals and dreams. It felt really good to take that first step – it was remarkably calming!

By: Felicia Shermis

Useful articles:

7 ways to avoid holiday financial stress

Seven money moves to make before the end of the year

Ten tips for simplifying your financial affairs while living overseas

Step by step guide to financial planning

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Thanksgiving and the words of Abraham Lincoln: ‘Healing the wounds of the nation’

I was doing some research on Thanksgiving and its traditions for this blogpost and I came across the words of president Abraham Lincoln. In 1863, as the US was in the middle of the Civil War, Lincoln announced that, in an effort to ‘heal the wounds of the nation’ he had scheduled Thanksgiving for the last Thursday of November. ‘Healing the wounds of the nation’ seems an especially apropos sentiment this Thanksgiving as it comes on the heels of an election year with harsh and hateful rhetoric.

I don’t believe anything good comes from building walls or talking about a ‘them and us’ as if we are not all human beings with the same basic needs and dreams. And I don’t think it’s just because I am a woman or an immigrant that I find myself fearful of where we’re headed as a country. I am fearful because we have let hate and suspicion become part of our national consciousness. We let ourselves be placated by slogans when we should have sought deeper understanding. Healing the wounds of the nation seems just as important this Thanksgiving as it did 150 years ago.   

So, this post is supposed to be about Thanksgiving in America, and you might be wondering why I’m talking about the recent election and not about the Pilgrims. After all, weren’t they the ones who ‘started’ Thanksgiving? And it is of course true that Thanksgiving can be dated back to 1621 when the newly arrived Pilgrims held a celebration of their first successful harvest since their arrival to the US the year before. It is perhaps worth noting here that the Pilgrims were early European settlers in search of a better life, like so many others who have come to the US – before and after.

Thanksgiving didn’t become a nation-wide holiday until the 19th century, and that happened in some part because of the work of the writer and editor Sarah Josepha Hale (most known for having written the nursery rhyme ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’). She was a bit of a trailblazer in her day, advocating among other things for equal education for women and men. She was the successful editor of several popular magazines and at the beginning of 1827 she started an over 30-year long campaign to make Thanksgiving a national holiday.

She wrote letters to politicians in various ranks of power, including presidents, and published numerous editorials advocating for a national day of thanks. Eventually, in 1863, Abraham Lincoln made his proclamation of the need to heal the wounds of the nation and Thanksgiving has been celebrated on the last Thursday of November every year since (except for a couple of years in the late 1930s, when it was moved up a week).

Today, Thanksgiving is one of the biggest holidays of the year. Schools are closed and most people get a day or two off work. Families travel wide and far to be near loved ones and to share a meal of turkey and stuffing and pumpkin pie. Thanksgiving has also become the kick-off to the holiday shopping season, with many people heading out for frenzied bargain hunting in the wee hours the day after the big feast. By now there are also some strange traditions attached to this holiday, such as the presidential pardon of a turkey or two!

I have celebrated Thanksgiving ever since I first arrived in the US some 20 years ago. However, I never established an emotional bond to this holiday. I do recognize that for most Americans this is THE big holiday of the year. This is the time where childhood memories are built, where old traditions are honored and where loud discussions around the dinner table make way for frantic football cheering in front of the TV and later, evening walks around the neighborhood, reluctant kids in tow.

I may not have a strong emotional bond to Thanksgiving but I do think that this year it will mean something more to me than just a feast shared with near and dear. I think it can serve as a reminder that as a nation we indeed have some wounds to heal and that as friends, families, co-workers, neighbors and strangers we have a lot of work to do. I know I do.

Sources:

https://www.nwhm.org/education-resources/biography/biographies/sarah-hale/

http://www.history.com/topics/thanksgiving/history-of-thanksgiving

By: Felicia Shermis

 

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Elections – staying involved when you can’t vote

November 4, 2008 was a memorable day for me. It was the first US election in which I was eligible to vote. By then I had lived here as an expat for a long time so I truly appreciated finally getting to add my two cents to how the country was run. I know first hand how frustrating it can be to live, work and raise children in a country and not have a say. Election years can be especially difficult as you watch the democratic process play out in front of you as an observer. I’ve learned over the years however that there are many ways in which you can be active and feel part of the process – even when you aren’t able to actually cast a vote. Some simple things to consider is to volunteer for a candidate you want to support, help promote an issue or donate money to a candidate or cause you feel strongly about.

A great way to offset the feeling of being relegated to the sidelines is to engage on a local level on an ongoing basis. If you have kids maybe that means you are involved in a school organization such as the PTO or the school board, maybe you decide to be active with a local charity organization or an advocacy group. There are many ways to help shape the community around you – it really is just a matter of deciding how you want to engage.

Also, just because you can’t vote doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be well informed. Being well informed on the issues means you can actively and confidently participate in the debate. So, if you find you have a hard time understanding an election – its process or its issues – make a point of finding out as much as you can. A good place to start if you are in the US is to go to the official US government website. Once you have an understanding of the process you can read up on the issues. Many newspapers will have election guides and PBS (Public Broadcasting Service) usually has a thorough and objective guide to candidates and issues.

If I were to muse on this year’s US election, I think I can safely say it’s been unlike any other I’ve experienced. Like many, I feel it’s difficult to wrap my head around what’s been going on. Not because I have a hard time figuring out whom to vote for – there is only one option as far as I am concerned. No, it has more to do with trying to explain to people back home what is actually happening and what the candidates stand for. It used to be that I could serve as a bit of an ‘interpreter’ to people back home, that I could explain issues and positions. I found that to be increasingly more difficult this time around.

But, regardless of my difficulties understanding and explaining this particular election cycle, I do know one thing: I truly treasure my right to vote and I will be heading to the polls once again this election day. I am going to read up on the issues and mark my ballot. I am going to drop it off at my polling place and then put an ‘I voted’ sticker on my jacket and proudly walk out onto the streets of my city.

By: Felicia Shermis

 

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Staying in touch after a move

With two kids off at college in opposite parts of the world and a third child still at home, long-distance communication has become an apropos issue in our family. It’s interesting to see how the kids are staying in touch with each other and how it differs from how I communicate with them. They are fairly close-knit and my youngest had some serious angst about her brother and sister both leaving for college this fall, dreading being ‘an only’ child. They swore they would keep in close contact, and with today’s technology, it really isn’t that hard to do. Actually connecting and communicating however is a different story altogether.

I rely heavily on texting and on occasional FaceTime sessions for communicating with my children and that works pretty well in general, at least in terms of getting basic messaging across. Whether or not it promotes deeper communication, well, I think it varies depending on person and circumstance.

My son seems to look forward to our FaceTime sessions as they give him an opportunity to see familiar surroundings on his screen, if he’s lucky he’ll even catch a glimpse of the dog as he flashes by in the background. My son in turn has given me a ‘tour’ of his dorm room and a view out his window, which gives me an idea of his immediate environment. It’s nice to have that visual context. Texting is a good option for quick check-ins to see how the day is going, or to take care of practical matters. It’s a big bonus that these days, unlike when he was living at home, he actually responds!

Snapchatting seems to be the prefered method of communication between my son and his little sister at home. The way they do it is interesting because it’s like they’re creating a running narrative of the day, sending little mini stories to each other, complete with pictures and all. I’ll be driving my daughter to school in the morning and all of a sudden she is taking a picture of us, sending it his way with a comment about one thing or another. He sends a comment or a picture back and just like that they have shared what’s going on at the moment. It may be fleeting but it does keep them feeling connected.

My oldest daughter isn’t very interested in Snapchat or any of the other communication apps for that matter. She prefers actually talking and will call on a regular basis. I think it’s great, but her reluctance to use these tools means that she doesn’t stay in touch with her siblings as much. The three of them haven’t found their common way of communicating just yet.

Even though we have all this fabulous technology available, staying in touch with friends and family after a move abroad can still be challenging. Part of the reason is that people have different expectations of what the communication should look like. Staying in touch, it turns out, takes commitment and work. It will never really work if one of the parties is doing the brunt of the work – is always the one calling or texting, for example.

Additionally, when moving abroad, you have to remember that your frame of reference starts to shift. Living in, and adapting to, a new culture leaves a mark on how you relate to the world and it can become a struggle to explain your ‘new world’ to people back home. They in turn may feel like you are not really interested in what’s going on at home. Like with all communication, open and honest conversations are probably the best way to avoid ending up in lopsided and frustrating long-distance relationships.

With modern technology there are so many options for keeping in touch – it really should be a breeze to stay connected to our near and dear, regardless of where in the world we are located. The trick is to combine the technology with our own ‘human touch’ in order to actually make a connection, and not just send streams of words and images back and forth. How to do that is for each one of us to figure out – preferably together with those with whom we wish to stay close.

By: Felicia Shermis

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Relocating with children

Kids are funny – they hate change and yet they are generally much more flexible and adaptable than adults when it really comes down to it! As a parent planning a move, one of the biggest worries is making sure your children are ok. Am I forever screwing them up by taking them out of their familiar environment? Will they make friends? Will they get along at school? There is of course no way of knowing how an individual child will react. However, one thing you probably can count on is initial loud protest. And this is true whether the move is going across town or across the ocean to foreign lands.

In my own experience the protesting can be quite vigorous: “You are crazy if you think I’ll ever leave here! You are ruining my life!” are some of the words I have heard from my own children. But somehow, a little preparation and exploration can go a long way when trying to spark curiosity and interest. And, if you are really lucky, your children may even get into it and start feeling like they are headed for an adventure.

Good preparation is key in getting your kids on board. Most experts agree that open communication and making sure your children are part of the process is vital. Talk about the place you are moving to and familiarize your selves with it. What does it look like, what’s the weather like, what is there to do? Will you have to learn a foreign language? Maybe you can prepare with your children by taking a language class together?

There are different opinions among experts on the usefulness of taking your children on a quick ‘look-see’ trip. If it is truly a quick trip, chock-full of appointments where you will be darting from place to place, then it may very well be better for the parents to go alone. You want to make sure you get a chance to do and see all the things on your agenda, and doing so with kids in tow can be difficult. Younger kids are not likely to benefit from a trip like that, but will only be stressed out and may even come away with negative feelings. If you have more time then perhaps taking the kids is a great idea, especially if they are a little older.

What else can you do to make sure your kids get settled? One of the biggest mistakes parents make is to expect their children to ‘come around’ quickly. So, remind yourself to give time for adjustment. Make sure they understand that it’s ok to miss home, let them know that you miss home too. It’s likely that for some period of time, talk of home and old friends will be commonplace, and that should be ok. Engage with your children about what it is they miss and why. For most, as time goes on, focus will shift to what is going on presently, with new friends and new activities.

But what do you do if the relocation really isn’t working for your child? If you have given it time and your child is still unhappy? This is a difficult family discussion to have and resolutions will be different depending on your circumstances. I have friends where the non-working partner left the assignment early to go home with an unhappy child. I have family members who decided to have the accompanying partner stay behind a year so that one child could finish high school at home. In both scenarios the families made it work. It wasn’t ideal for everyone involved but it was what was best for the child.

As all parents know, watching your child struggle and not knowing how to help is heartbreaking. Letting your child know you are listening and taking him/her seriously is an important step in figuring out what to do. As I keep telling my homesick son who went overseas for college not long ago: “coming home is always an option!” He knows I mean it, and it gives him enough comfort to carry on for another week, and then another, and then another – at least so far!

By: Felicia Shermis

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The Trailing Spouse

The term ‘trailing spouse’ is often used to describe the accompanying partner in a relocation-for-work situation. I must admit, I have always found this phrase a little problematic. It’s as if the trailing spouse is an afterthought, someone who just happened to tag along. The term doesn’t give justice to the process that goes into making the decision to give up ‘life as you know it’ in order to join your partner. The term doesn’t shed light on the idea that as a trailing spouse you want to maintain your status as an equal partner, even though you are quite literally giving up some of the very things that make you an equal partner, such as your career.

There is no doubt that moving to a new place can be exhilarating and exciting. There is so much upside: you’ll have the opportunity to experience and see new things, maybe learn a new language and make new friends. Often you get so caught up in the planning and execution of the relocation that you forget to consider the impact of the move on your everyday life. And this is not so strange — it’s pretty hard to imagine beforehand what life will be like in a foreign place, with a new set of parameters defining your everyday life.

How will you as an individual deal with the loss of your career? How will you as a couple handle the change in the relationship dynamic? Will money become a problem? What about the language, will you feel comfortable enough to venture out and connect with people even if you don’t speak the language fluently? How will you keep in touch with friends and family back home?

For many, these questions don’t seriously enter the conversation until the actual relocation has taken place. But by then you are often a little overwhelmed and it’s hard to know how to approach them. You’re already out of your comfort zone and you are missing your traditional support network. You may feel embarrassed admitting that you are missing your old life and that you long for the familiar faces of friends and family. You may not even know how to reach out to friends and family back home, because in their eyes you are supposed to be on an adventure and what could possibly be so difficult with that!

This is why it’s so important to think about these issues before moving. The goal isn’t to come up with all the answers. No, the idea is that a deeper awareness coupled with careful preparation will go a long way when it comes to handling problems as they occur. So, spend some time thinking through what this kind of move would mean for you and make sure to discuss your thoughts with others – your partner as well as with friends and family.

The good news is that there are many sources from which you can pick up tips and get information. There are whole websites dedicated to subjects such as culture shock and adaptation, living and working overseas, etc. There are numerous books, blogs and articles to read and even podcasts to listen to. A relocation coach can be helpful if you are feeling a little lost. Not only can a professional coach help decipher local cultural tendencies, a coach can also help make plans for what steps you need to take in order to achieve your goals.

Regardless of what term you use to describe yourself – be it accompanying partner, trailing spouse, or something else – it’s important to know that your happiness and fulfillment are integral components to the overall success of your relocation.

By: Felicia Shermis

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Moving Day

Most people dread moving day. Moving day is the culmination of what has typically been a very stressful lead-up period where you’ve been trying to combine your regular everyday life with that of sorting, purging and packing. And if that isn’t enough, you’ve most likely had extra of everything else to do too, such as endless phone calls to cancel or start services, and mountains of paperwork to sort, file and fill out. It seems that regardless of how prepared you are or how long in advance you start planning, there is always more to do and not enough time to do it.

I remember my first move when I was going off to college. I had rented an apartment off campus so actually needed to bring a few things for my ‘household’. I packed up my clothes and records, a mattress and the rest of my stuff into my parents’ station wagon and then off we went. No need for a big moving truck, no worries about where to sleep before unpacking. We hauled my few belongings up to my 7th floor apartment – which was nothing more than a 200 ft² room with a kitchenette along one wall and a bathroom – and finished furnishing in a matter of a couple of hours.

It’s safe to say that moving internationally, as I did many years later, is more of a logistical challenge. It takes a lot of advance planning and it’s hard to know what to expect or how it will work on the other end. There is the timing of the arrival of goods and people and the uncertainty of how to set up a functional home in the best way possible: how do you get utilities started, which is the best cable service, what about Internet, how do you make sure that is up and running right away? There are many practical matters to consider and the actual move is just one of them. To top it all off, the whole undertaking is expensive.

Often with an international move, you have limited space in your shipping container so you have to give some serious consideration to what you are bringing. Deciding what stays and what goes is time consuming and it can be emotionally difficult. In addition, you have to decide on what to do with the things you are not bringing – are you selling, donating, storing or just tossing? Some things, such as electronics, may be pointless to even consider, as they won’t work anyway (at least not without adapters and converters) which means you’ll have to make a plan for how to replace them.

I have gone through a few international moves by now and each time I’ve learned something new. Here are a few things I try to keep in mind:

  • Label everything – what stays, what goes, whose box it is, what’s inside – just go nuts with the marker and write it all down. It will make moving in and unpacking so much easier.
  • Have a plan for where to stay the first night or two. If it’s in your new home, then make sure you know where your ‘sleepover essentials’ are.
  • Set a daily goal – both for packing and unpacking. Having a goal can help when feeling overwhelmed, and it also gives you a chance to be ‘done for the day’.

Lastly, try to mix the ‘chores of moving in’ with some neighborhood exploration and maybe even make an effort to introduce yourself to your new neighbors. Some neighborly love can go a long way when you are new in town!

See the following links for additional useful resources:

How to downsize your home without losing your mind

Killer tips that make packing and moving easier

Tips for moving with young children

Globiana – Preparing to move

By: Felicia Shermis

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Trials and tribulations of finding a rental

In the span of our first few years in Silicon Valley, my husband and I ended up living in five different rentals. They were all in the same city and most of them in the same general neighborhood. Our problem clearly was not in finding the right spot. For us it was a matter of finding the right place in that spot, at the right price at the right time – that was easier said than done. And so for the better part of three years we found ourselves moving every six months or so, for one reason or another. Good thing we didn’t own much more than a futon-sofa-bed and a table with some chairs…

The biggest shock to me at the beginning of our rental odyssey was how little we could get for our money — not just in terms of size but also in terms of standard. The majority of the places we looked at were very dated, with old appliances, worn carpets and sad looking paint on the walls. It was depressing and not at all what I was used to from home. Not that I had grown up in anything fancy, I just think what I considered basic standard of living was different from here. As you can imagine we ended up in some pretty miserable rentals.

There was the ‘squirrel house’, which had squirrels running inside the walls at night, up and down, back and forth – noisy and creepy and really loud in our thin walls. I was wondering if one day they wouldn’t just come popping out of the walls while I was watching TV. This house also had a major ant-problem and regardless of how much we sprayed, scrubbed and wiped, they kept coming back. There was the house across from a Walgreens delivery entrance – hello daily 4am deliveries and trash pick-ups! There was the house with asbestos in the attic and another with a dishwasher so noisy we could not run it while at home – it drowned out everything, conversations, TV, thoughts!

It turns out that you can get used to quirks and oddities in a home – most things you just learn to deal with. It is in the nature of renting that many of these kinds of issues, little things that may end up bugging you, are hard to discover before having lived there for a while. There is a leap of faith when saying yes to a place you have only seen once or twice for a few minutes.

Some due diligence is always in order however and there are a few steps you can take to find out as much as possible before signing a rental contract. If you are renting from a professional property management company, find out how they take care of their properties and their tenants. If you are renting in an apartment complex, speak to some neighbors and get their take on what it’s like living in the building. What works well, what doesn’t? If you are renting a house can you speak to the previous tenant?

Make sure you know what is included in your rental contract — who pays for the gardener/water/utilities/trash? Schedule a walk-through with the owner/manager before moving in and make a list of existing defects so that you are not liable for damages you did not cause. Also, agree on what (if anything at all) should be fixed before moving in, ahead of signing the contract. Make sure you know what your lease terms are, how much notice you need to give the landlord and vice versa, and understand at what intervals rent can be increased. What is the procedure if you need to have something fixed during your tenancy and whom do you call in an emergency situation such as a water leak? Last but not least, don’t forget to get a renters insurance.

On a personal level I suggest you think about what you really have to have vs. what you want when searching for a home. For example, I always thought I had to have a washer/dryer, so I focused on places that had that while missing out on rentals that were probably better overall but that were without this one ‘must of mine’. Turns out that going to a Laundromat once a week was not a big deal at all. I eventually developed a nice routine involving a good book and coffee while waiting for my laundry to get done. I started enjoying my Laundromat time! It wasn’t until I had a kid that a washer/dryer of my own became a necessity and by then it was time to move again!

By: Felicia Shermis

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Home is where the heart is

Home is where the heart is – it’s a tried and true saying, a bit worn perhaps, but it still sounds about right to me. I have been thinking about it a lot this past week while running last minute errands with my son before he heads off to college. He’ll be in a foreign country on a different continent, 10 hours away by plane, literally across the world. I’ve been trying to imagine what it will be like for him to arrive by himself, a ‘just-graduated-highschooler ‘ to find his way, to make new friends, to discover new foods and explore new places. As he says — it’s exciting and terrifying, all at once.

The school he is going to has a large international student body and they know how to help overseas students get settled. They know what the practical needs are regarding cell phone service and bank accounts. They are aware that parents are worrying about everything from food and housing to laundry and healthcare. So, for months now we have been getting offers from cell phone carriers and information about banking, housing, healthcare and food. This school is well organized that way!

I feel confident my son will be well cared for in a physical sense. My worry has more to do with him feeling at home and like he belongs (and yeah, that he’s doing his schoolwork). I haven’t seen much from the school about the emotional part, about what to do if he finds himself a little lost in terms of cultural adaptation or plain homesickness. Perhaps they are banking on Freshers’ week to take care of all of that.

From what I can glean, Freshers’ week is pretty jam-packed with activities for incoming freshmen. My son seems to particularly look forward to the upcoming pub-crawl (yep, he can legally drink where he’s going). I guess I have my own reservations about Freshers’ week taking care of the emotional needs of a bunch of 18 year-olds. Although I suppose it will be a good way to meet people and start making friends.

He does have a little bit of a plan for how to combat homesickness. He is joining the North American society (Thanksgiving saved!), the Swedish society and if there is one, the Game of Thrones society. He figures that between the three of those he is bound to meet some likeminded people as well as have opportunities to attend traditional cultural celebrations from ‘back home’. Then there are the dorms, he will be sharing a kitchen and bathroom with several other students – they are destined to run into each other and they will have to talk, right?

These last couple of weeks I have been trying to get my son to think about what he might want to bring – personal items? Mementos? Pictures? All along he’s been saying “oh, I’ll figure it out, don’t worry”. Last night, the night before leaving, he asked: “can I take the pictures of my sisters on the fridge and oh, do you have any pictures of all of my friends and me together that I can have?”

I just got back from dropping off my son at the airport. There were tears for both of us as we hugged goodbye at the security line, though in all honesty, it was mostly I who cried. He seemed ready, his backpack stuffed with goodies and necessities. He had his favorite books and music, his well-worn beanie on his head and a smile on his face. All I could think was that this is a good start to a new adventure. He will be fine and so will I!

By: Felicia Shermis

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Decisions, decisions – renting or buying, house or apartment?

Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote in one of her classic Little House on the Prairie books: “Home is the nicest word there is”. The beauty of the word ‘home’ to me is that the meaning of home is different to all of us and yet we all know what it is. To some, home is where you grew up and where family lives; to others it’s where you feel a connection to friends and society at large – the list of what makes home ‘home’ is as long and diverse as there are people.

As someone who is moving to a foreign country you are often faced with having to make quick decisions on where and how to live – are you buying or renting, living in a house or a condo? Which neighborhood is appropriate and is there a way to figure out the vibe of said neighborhood without spending time there first? How do you know if you are getting a fair deal and how do you compare prices in a market you are new to? What can you afford? Making sense of all of these can be hard in the best of circumstances, adding a completely foreign country to the mix can make it seem almost impossible. Below are some thoughts on how to go about making the decision, as gleaned from others as well as experienced by my own trials and errors.

Break down the house hunting process into smaller pieces, starting with the budget, because that will dictate how you move forward. You can’t make any other decisions until you have figured out what you can afford. When you know what your housing budget is, you can determine a starting point and focus your search that way. For example, if you are moving with children, perhaps schools become your starting point. If you are single and know you want access to a certain kind of cultural life, maybe that is your starting point.

Once you have a budget and a starting point in place you can weigh other pros and cons, such as proximity to stores, entertainment, parks, freeways, etc., and then fill in the picture of what your preferred living situation is.

Try to connect with others who have gone before you, especially if you are trying to find a place to rent or buy from afar and have not had a chance to visit. Also, consult a local realtor who can help explain the market (whether renting or buying). Realtors are not only experts in the field of housing transactions, but are generally very knowledgeable about the neighborhoods in which they work and can offer insights that can be hard to glean even during an in-person visit. Additionally, realtors are often good sources for references for other services you might need, such as a handyman or a cleaning service.

If there is a local newspaper for the area you are considering, read it to get an idea of what is happening around town. Also, see if there is a community or neighborhood website for additional information. These kinds of sources can help round out the picture of any place you are considering making your home.

I can’t help but think about how it is that you can feel at home in different places for different reasons. When I went to visit family this summer I definitely felt like I was home – there were familiar foods and streets and faces. However, there was also something immensely sweet about coming back here, to my own house, drinking coffee from my favorite cup and taking the dog for a walk around my neighborhood – this is home too, for different reasons perhaps, but still home!

By: Felicia Shermis

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US health insurance – oh, the headache!

If there is one thing that unites foreign residents in the US in bafflement and frustration it is the US health insurance system. I have yet to meet anyone who has an uncomplicated relationship to their health insurance policy or who is completely happy with the effects it has on decisions regarding wellness and health care.

Most people who come to the US for work get health insurance through their employer as part of a benefit package — so far so good! Typically, the confusion and trouble start when you sit down to fill out the necessary paperwork. It’s not just that there are details needed that you may not have access to yet as a new arrival. There are decisions to make that have a real impact on what your health care will be like, ranging from what doctors you can see, to what extent certain types of care is covered and what kind of medications are available.

In addition, deciphering and comprehending the very specific language of health insurance is not easy. If you manage to figure out what the difference between a PPO and a HMO will mean in practical terms for you and your family, you are off to a good start! But, you will still have to decide what kind of monthly premiums you can bear and what type of co-pays make sense and whether you need access to specialist care or certain drugs. The fine print holds the details but I know from personal experience how impenetrable that text can be.

Too many times have I signed up for health insurance, after having researched and fretted for days only to later be confronted with the reality that nothing is quite as I thought. It could be that the particular medication I was sure was covered is only eligible for those under 25 years of age, or as a generic, or between the hours of 6am and 6:01am… I think it’s safe to say that I have never ended up with the insurance I thought I had signed up for – even when I have done my due diligence.

If you are staying in the US for a longer term then you are likely to encounter the hassle of having to switch insurance plans or even insurance companies. Not only is it a lot of work to once again fill out the paperwork, you are also faced with the possibility of your doctor not being part of your new insurance network, or the medication you have relied on not being covered to the same degree.

The cost of health insurance is another shocker for many newcomers. When I tell friends back home what my family’s monthly premium is, they are sure I’m kidding; as some of them point out, I pay close to half of what they make a month. When I explain that these are by no means the only costs, that we also have co-pays and deductibles, well, then they just laugh and shake their heads.

There is no doubt that you can get great health care in the US, there are many good hospitals, doctors and nurses. There is cutting-edge technology and specialists of all kinds. The tricky part is making sure that you have access to this amazing care and that is not always easy!

A couple of useful sources for information on health insurance:
Obama care facts
Health insurance glossary

By: Felicia Shermis

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Foreign Concept to a Foreign Girl – How to Adjust?

Looking back to my first years as a new arrival in the US I realize that I had no realistic way of preparing for what has proved to be one of my biggest hurdles in adjusting to US culture – networking. I couldn’t prepare because I wasn’t really aware of the concept. Part of my initial ignorance can probably be chalked up to language – I simply didn’t grasp the meaning of the word ‘networking’, but it was also a conceptual lack of understanding – I just didn’t get it.

So, when I saw ‘Networking’ on my schedule for the technical writing certificate I was working towards at a local junior college, I had no clue what to make of it – wasn’t this a computer term, an engineering thing, surely nothing a technical writer needed to take as coursework? Even once I had it explained to me it didn’t really make sense – the idea that I needed to learn, at school no less, to interact with peers in a social setting to further my career or build business relationships was as foreign to me as I was to Silicon Valley.

Assignments where actual networking was required was the most uncomfortable I felt during my time at school. Everyone seemed to relish this part of our course work and there was great excitement about going to various technical writers’ gatherings and then reporting back about connections made and insights gained. Needless to say, I had little to share.

I remember asking my husband, who is a local, for some insight but he didn’t have much to add other than ‘it’s just what you do’. It was hard for him to understand what I meant when I said I struggled with the concept of networking – to him it was just a natural part of functioning in the local business community.

It may seem like it shouldn’t have been that big of a deal but my lack of understanding, and confidence in networking has most certainly had an impact on how well I have adjusted to certain parts of life in Silicon Valley. To this day, some 20 years after first arriving and taking that course, networking still does not come naturally to me. I have gotten better, but it’s not one of my strong suits. These days, if I know I am going to be in a networking situation, I come prepared, it’s the only way I can feel somewhat relaxed about the situation.

I have come to intellectually understand the benefit of networking; I even understand the concept by now. I can see how making personal connections that you can draw from is a big positive in the most varied of circumstances. Networking is of course not just part of the professional sphere; it’s part of life here. Take my daughter’s volleyball try-outs for example, where parents are trying to make valuable connections to further their children’s chances of getting on a team.

Simply put, networking is a way of life here! The trick is to figure out how to best adjust and adopt the local mindset. It’s harder for some of us than others, but a little bit of adjusting goes a long way. Take my word for it.

By: Felicia Shermis

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